Sword of Kings
Chapter 37 – Coping With Loss

by Bill W

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Legal Notice:
The following story contains descriptions of graphic sexual acts. 
The story is a work of fiction and has no basis in reality.
Don’t read this story if:
**You’re not 18 or over,    
**If it is illegal to read this type of material where you live,
**Or if you don’t want to read about gay/bi people in love or having sex.

The author retains copyright to this story.  Placing this story on a website or reproducing this story for distribution without the author’s permission is a violation of that copyright.  Legal action will be taken against violators.

I wish to extend my thank you to Emoe57 for his editorial assistance with this chapter.

E-mail responses to the stories, story suggestions, or other ‘constructive’ comments or advice may be sent to: bwstories8@aol.com.

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“He can’t be gone!” Kieren screamed, before collapsing in the snow. Although he didn’t want to accept what had happened to Romaric, there was no way for him to deny it was so.

“It’s all my fault,” Garreth uttered, dejectedly, while looking at the ground.

“No, it’s no one’s fault,” Quintain shot back quickly, in an effort to reassure the elf he was not to blame.

“It is too,” Garreth shot back, angrily. “I was the one who caused all that snow to fall down on Romaric.”

“No, that wasn’t your doing,” Quintain insisted, forcefully. “That snow shelf would have given way no matter who went down or how careful he was. There was no way to avoid it.”

“But there had to be some way to keep that from happening,” Garreth sobbed, choking out the words, “so we could have saved him.” He didn’t lift up his head, because he still wasn’t ready to look anyone in the eye – especially Kieren.

The elf was willing to bet Kieren was blaming him for what had happened, even if the others didn’t. No matter what was said, Garreth could not deny responsibility for Romaric’s fate. He continued to relive those final moments, when he watched Romaric’s body being swept away and fought to prevent the same fate from claiming him. As he pictured this happening again, his body involuntarily went rigid and his muscles began to flex, as his mind subconsciously replayed his effort to keep from being sucked down the mountainside, along with his friend. That’s when another thought struck him. ‘I let Romaric die, so I could save myself.’

This revelation was just too much for the teen to bear. Garreth knew it was true and couldn’t justify the fact that he gave up trying to rescue his friend in order to spare his own life. Suddenly, the elf’s eyes rolled back in their sockets, his head dropped to the side and his body went limp. Fortunately, one of the warriors saw what was happening and reacted accordingly.

“Someone give me a hand here,” Alaric announced, as he caught and cradled Garreth’s unconscious form, just before it slumped toward the ground.

Quintain immediately grabbed his pack and went to assist Alaric, but glanced over to see how Kieren was doing first. That’s when the dwarf noticed that Rhys had the boy wrapped comfortingly in his powerful arms. Satisfied that Kieren was being taken care of, Quintain kept going, to see what he could do to help Garreth.

While the other pair tended to the young elf, Rhys did his best to console Kieren, but soon discovered there was little he could do. As he fought to lift Kieren’s spirits and pull him out of his depression, the warrior noticed Qaim moving closer to them and made a quick decision. He concluded it would be best if their guide didn’t get involved. Rhys was afraid Qaim might confuse the issue and make it more difficult for Kieren to work his way through his grief. After all, the aignx did tend to have a different outlook on most things and Rhys was afraid of what Qaim might inadvertently blurt out. Not wishing for such a thing to happen, the warrior signaled their hairy guide to stay back.

Rhys was still watching Qaim’s dejected reaction at not being allowed to join them, when Kieren unexpectedly pulled away from the Akiktite and then turned, so he could pound his fists into the warrior’s chest. “Why didn’t you save him?” Kieren screamed. “Why did all of you just let this happen?”

Rhys grabbed Kieren again and drew the trembling youth securely against his chest. Slowly, the northerner moved one of his hands up Kieren’s side, until it was resting on the young man’s face. Like a parent affectionately doting on a child, he began to stroke the teen’s hair, in an effort to comfort him as he spoke. “Kieren, we didn’t let it happen to him,” Rhys tried to explain. “Romaric…”

“Yes, you did,” Kieren yelled back, cutting the Akiktite off and pulling away from him slightly. “None of you were eager to try to save him and wouldn’t let me do it either. Everyone is to blame for what happened, especially me. Romaric didn’t hesitate when he risked his life to save mine in Briarwood and I should have done more to rescue him. Instead, I just sat back and let him die.”

“Kieren, you didn’t do anything wrong,” Rhys insisted, even though he could see he still wasn’t convincing the young man of that fact.

“I did too! I should have insisted that you let me try to save him,” Kieren snapped back. “I might have been able to get to him and carry him back.”

Appalled by Kieren’s stubborn refusal to see the truth, Rhys came to the conclusion that the only way he was going to convince Kieren about what really happened was by shocking him back to reality. It was cruel, he conceded, but he knew it had to be done. “Kieren, none of us were to blame for what happened. Romaric is the only one at fault here. He did it to himself.”

Kieren’s body stiffened and he pushed as far away from the warrior as he could, at least until he could look directly into Rhys’ eyes. Kieren’s shock and anger were clearly evident in his expression and his eyes were ablaze in fury. “How can you say that? What did he do?”

“He failed to heed the dwarfs warnings and went out on the snow bridge without taking the proper precautions,” Rhys explained, calmly, but that wasn’t what Kieren wanted to hear.

“He was only trying to help us find a way to get to the Devil’s Horseshoe,” the teen explained, in an attempt to justify Romaric’s actions.

“That may be true,” the Akiktite acknowledged, “but he didn’t go about it the right way. He didn’t listen to what he was told. I’m sorry it happened, but it was no one’s fault, except his own. We did all we could to try to help him after he fell, but there was little any of us could do at that point.”

Upon hearing Rhys’ comments, Kieren’s chin dropped against his chest momentarily, as he reluctantly thought about what the warrior had said. Even though he began to understand that Rhys might be right, it still didn’t eliminate his feelings of loss. Now, he had to struggle to deal with the reality that he was never going to see Romaric again. Within seconds, tears began to stream down his cheeks once more.

Seeing Kieren’s grief affected Qaim more than any of the others. The aignx watched from a distance, but he wasn’t happy he’d been forced to stay away and wanted to move closer, so he could console the one who had previously been so kind to him. Even though he knew the Akiktite wanted him to stay back, the young man’s sorrow was more than the furry little guide could endure. Before anyone could stop him, Qaim slithered across the intervening gap, until he made his way to Kieren’s side, and spoke. “Please, nice master, no cry,” he said soothingly. “Qaim help. Tell Qaim what to do. Qaim do it.”

Kieren was so overwhelmed by his grief that this heartfelt gesture didn’t register with him, but the others in the party were quite moved by this simple and sincere overture of friendship. “I’m afraid there is nothing you can do to help,” Quintain told the aignx soothingly, in an effort to acknowledge his offer.

Disappointed that he wasn’t able to make Kieren feel better, Qaim slouched against his friend’s leg. After a few minutes of inactivity, Qaim began to press against the young man’s outer thigh, much the same as he had done on previous occasions, when he had sought Kieren’s protection. This time his intent was to reassure his ‘young master’ that he was not alone and someone else shared his grief. The enigmatic little guide proceeded to cling as tightly to the boy’s leg as he could and nuzzled his cheek against the young man’s thigh, in an effort to pass his support along by means of these simple actions. He continued this ritual until Kieren reached down and stroked his head, which told Qaim that Kieren knew he was there.

While most of the others were focusing on Kieren, Alaric had remained at Garreth’s side. He held the boy and called out to him soothingly, hoping that would be enough to draw him out of his stupor. After several minutes of this effort, Alaric noticed the younger elf’s eyes flutter open. However, they were glazed over and appeared not to focus on anything in particular, so Alaric spoke a little louder to him, hoping that would be enough to get his attention.

“Garreth, look at me,” he insisted, but received no immediate response in return. “Garreth, this wasn’t your fault,” Alaric persisted, but this time Garreth rolled his head away from the older elf. Frustrated, Alaric reached down and cradled Garreth’s chin with his hand, trying to force the boy to look at him, but the teen resisted his efforts.

“You did all you could,” Alaric whispered, only to feel Garreth’s body go rigid, in protest. Alaric knew Garreth understood what he was saying, but he couldn’t get the lad to talk about what he was feeling. Rather than verbalize his grief and act out, as Kieren was doing, Garreth continued to withdraw more deeply into himself. He was increasingly shutting out everyone and everything around him.

“We’ve got to snap him out of this,” Sedain told Alaric, after witnessing his failed effort, “or we won’t be going anywhere. I’d prefer not to spend an additional night in the mountains, so it’s best we get moving soon.”

“Will one more night make that much difference?” Alaric countered, realizing he had to give Garreth the time he needed to work through this on his own.

“Well, I was hoping it wouldn’t take us too long to find a land bridge, which would get us into the other range. Since we’ve been traveling faster than I expected, I think we might actually be close enough to be able to spend the night in the tunnels leading into Treblanc,” the dwarf explained, “but only if we get started again, soon. The problem is, in the condition he’s in now, it looks as if the boy isn’t going to be able to walk on his own. That means we’ll have to carry him, and you know how difficult that will be in these conditions.”

“I understand,” Alaric replied, “but I think he’ll be all right, if we give him a little more time. I’ll just keep talking to him, until he starts to come around. It shouldn’t take too much longer.”

“I hope not,” Hadwin interjected, having been eavesdropping on their conversation, “because we don’t have time to spare.” They all agreed on that point, so Alaric moved his face in front of Garreth’s, until they were almost nose-to-nose.

“Garreth, I need you to pay attention to me,” Alaric told him calmly. “You weren’t responsible for what happened to Romaric.”

“No, you weren’t,” Sedain agreed. “In fact, you did everything you could to save him. You were very brave and made a valiant attempt to rescue him. It’s just that a few things happened that were beyond your control.”

The mention of Romaric’s name seemed to cause a reaction from Garreth, but not the type any of the others had wished for. Instead of bringing him out of his trance, it seemed to push him even further into this catatonic state. The teen closed his eyes again and then went limp in Alaric’s arms, like a wet rag.

“This is taking far too long,” Hadwin stated, looking frustrated. “We need to bring him out of this quickly, so we can get away from here, or we’ll be stuck spending the night without any shelter.” While the others were considering his comment, Hadwin had another thought. “Has anyone been keeping an eye out for the condor?”

At the mention of that beast, a look of terror flashed across Alaric’s face. “I’m afraid not,” the elf admitted. “I have been so focused on Garreth that I forgot all about the other threat,” he added, while immediately beginning to scan the air above them.

“Well, we can’t ignore it any longer,” the warrior confirmed, “nor can we forget there are only so many hours of daylight left. We’ve got to get moving again, so why don’t you let me see what I can do with the boy.” Before anyone could stop him, Hadwin reached out and slapped Garreth across the face, quite hard.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” Alaric screamed, ready to attack the Nardinian for what he’d just done. He was shocked that Hadwin had even considered such an action.

“I’m just trying to yank him back to the present,” Hadwin rationalized. “I want him to focus on us, instead of on what happened to Romaric.”

“By knocking him senseless?” Alaric commented, hoping Hadwin would see the absurdity of his approach. “Just get away from him and I’ll deal with this,” the elfin warrior screamed, as he pushed the Nardinian back. Insulted by this harsh response, Hadwin stood up and walked away in a huff, while Alaric resumed his attempt to try to talk Garreth back to reality.

After witnessing what Hadwin had done to Garreth, Qaim clung even tighter to the Kieren’s leg, fearing someone might try to do the same to his young friend. Surprisingly, Kieren had also heard the sound of the slap and the comments that were made afterward, but it took a little longer for everything to register in his brain. When he finally realized what Hadwin had done to Garreth, his body tensed and he jerked away from Rhys’ relaxed grip.

“Leave him alone,” the teen yelled, causing everyone to turn in his direction and freeze in place, momentarily. “I might not have been able to save Romaric, but I won’t let anyone hurt Garreth,” he announced, quite dramatically.

“Kieren, no one was trying to hurt Garreth,” Rhys offered, in a soft, calm voice. “They were just trying to bring him around, so we can get started again.” Kieren looked confused for a few seconds, before he collected his thoughts and spoke again.

“Let me take care of Garreth,” he offered, “and the rest of you can see what you can do to help Romaric.” This comment caused the warriors to exchange concerned looks with each other, as they realized Kieren still didn’t comprehend the true nature of the situation.

“Kieren, I’m afraid there is nothing more we can do for Romaric,” Quintain tried to explain. “He is beyond our assistance.”

“But he might not be dead! Maybe he’s only hurt,” Kieren protested. “He could be lying down there on that slope in pain, waiting for us to come to his rescue. We’ve got to make sure.” Kieren attempted to leap up and race off, but Rhys anticipated his move and grasped him tightly, before he could get away.

“I’m sorry, Kieren,” the powerful warrior began, his deep voice sounding like the distant rumble of thunder, “but we’ve done all we can.”

“No! There must be something more we can try,” the teen challenged, not ready to give up on his friend. Kieren’s loud outburst had also caused the others, except for Alaric, to forget about Garreth and focus their attention solely upon him.

“I’m sorry, but we don’t have the means to do anything more,” the Akiktite told him. “You’ll just have to accept that. The best thing you can do now is to honor Romaric by completing your mission.”

“Why?” Kieren screamed back, totally frustrated. “What good will that do? How can I save Tarolia, when I couldn’t even save my friend?” Rhys was shocked by the intensity of Kieren’s outburst and the others sat transfixed, as they watched the two interact.

“Kieren, you did all you could,” Rhys tried to convince him, “we all did. There was nothing more any of us could have done. His fate was beyond our control, but you must not let this lessen your resolve or stop you from trying to complete your task. There is too much riding on the outcome of your mission. If you fail, more lives than just Romaric’s will be lost.”

“But I can’t do this any more,” Kieren replied, as he began sobbing again, completely defeated. “I just can’t.”

“Kieren, you’ve come too far and have done too much to give up now,” Rhys told him, hoping he could reason his way through this. “If you don’t at least try to fulfill the prophecy, then Romaric will have died for naught. You must go on and give some measure of meaning to his death, some justification for this tragedy.”

Kieren did not immediately respond to Rhys’ comments. Instead, he merely looked up and stared at the warrior, even though he was not able to see much of anything through his tears. Almost imperceptibly, every muscle in Kieren’s body began to grow taut, as his emotions, which had already run the gamut from disbelief, remorse and then guilt, now reached the next stage, anger.

“This mission never had a chance of succeeding,” the young man screamed out, as he bolted upright, “and Beraut sent us out here to meet our end, knowing we could never do what was required. That’s why he didn’t come with us. We have been confronted by so many obstacles, opponents and dangerous situations that there was no way we could have possibly overcome them all.”

“Kieren, I think you’re being unfair…” Rhys began, only to be cut off.

“No, I’m not!” the teen shouted, as he finally broke free of Rhys’ grasp and continued his tantrum. “We must give up this foolishness and return to our homes. We should just allow fate to run its course. It is the gods who shall determine who will rule Tarolia and there is nothing we can do to alter their choice.” Kieren was trembling as he finished his outburst and the warriors were dumbstruck by the forcefulness of his tirade. It took a minute before anyone was able to respond and it was Turquinine who regained his senses first.

“Nay, my Lord, thou art mistaken about this,” boomed the voice of the Mitikuan giant. “Master Beraut hath not condemned us to death and he truly believeth in our quest. Prithee, tell me why thou hath turned against the one who hath been like a father to thee?”

“A father wouldn’t have deserted his son when he was facing such dangers,” Kieren shot back, vehemently. The teen even balled up his fists, as if he were ready to fight them all to prove his point.

“Beraut didst not desert thee,” Turquinine reasoned back. “He made certain thou hath others to protect thee and thou doeth the mage a grave disservice, if thou sayeth otherwise.”

“But he left us just when we needed of his magic and guidance the most,” Kieren insisted, while pounding his fists into the Mitikuan’s chest for emphasis. However, Turquinine’s words were beginning to ring true. Slowly, Kieren was forced to admit to himself that Beraut had nothing to do with what had happened to Romaric, no matter how badly he needed someone to bear responsibility for his friend’s fate.

“If you have to blame someone,” Rhys roared back, startling everyone, “then blame the one who is truly responsible. You must hold Madumda accountable. It’s because of him we are here, not Beraut. Therefore, you must focus your hatred on him and use that to your advantage when you finally meet. When the time comes, use your anger to make him pay for the harm he has caused. Let Romaric stand with you, in spirit, and use that additional strength to destroy the Dark Lord, once and for all.”

Kieren thought carefully about the Akiktite’s words and eventually agreed the dark-skinned warrior was right. The young man’s anger and frustration now had a new focus and it gradually shifted from away Beraut and moved toward Madumda. Once again, Kieren was committed to completing his mission and a sudden urgency to see it through swept over him. He would definitely make the Dark Lord pay for what had happened to Romaric and that would happen soon, before he lost his newfound strength and purpose.

One by one, he looked each of his companions and made eye contact with them, radiating this new self-confidence and silently thanking them for their support. He was ready to set out again, but at that moment his gaze fell upon the still distraught form of Garreth. His heart ached, when he realized how badly his other lifelong friend was still suffering, so he made his way over to him. He knew exactly what Garreth was going through and felt he had the best chance of consoling him. With a newfound optimism, Kieren placed his arm over Garreth’s shoulder and offered him a few words of comfort.

“No one can appreciate your suffering more than I, but I swear to you we shall give some meaning to Romaric’s death. I shall complete this mission and destroy Madumda, if only to pay him back for the harm he has caused us.” For the first time in many minutes, Garreth began to show signs of responding. He turned his head slightly, until he was looking directly at Kieren, and a glimmer of recognition danced in his eyes. Encouraged by this change, Kieren took both of Garreth’s hands in his own and continued.

“I’m not sure just how it happened,” Kieren explained, in an excited, yet reassuring voice, “but somehow I feel as if I have acquired Romaric’s strength and courage. Maybe I absorbed it, kind of like the Dark Lord absorbed the powers of the wizards he destroyed, but for the first time I truly feel that I’ll be able to defeat Madumda. We shall find time to grieve for Romaric when all of this is all over, but for now we must set aside our sorrow and continue on to Treblanc, so we can find the Sword.”

Kieren embraced the young elf comfortingly, before gently releasing him again. He now held his friend at arm’s length and locked his determined gaze directly upon Garreth, as if he were trying to will his own strength into the elf. Totally focused upon his friend, he attempted to see if there was any sign he was getting through to him. After a few moments of this effort, Garreth’s expression began to change and Kieren knew his friend was slowly emerging from his emotional shell.

Kieren could still read the pain and sadness that was expressed through Garreth’s eyes and this gave him a truer appreciation for the old expression ‘the eyes reflect what the heart feels.’ There was no need to ask questions and there were no emotional outbursts or histrionics this time. Each youth understood and felt the other’s sadness and grief. They embraced once more and began to draw strength and feel comfort from each other’s touch. Once he felt it was time to continue on, Kieren turned toward the dwarfs and spoke.

“Since you understand the dangers of this area better than the rest of us,” he stated, quite confidently, “would you please be so kind as to lead us out of here and get us to where we need to go?”

The dwarfs nodded and mumbled various words of agreement, before getting underway. At long last, they were once again seeking a natural land bridge that would lead them across the gap and into the adjoining mountain range.